What's in My Inbox...

So, I recently discovered a new source of information when Jeffrey engaged in email correspondence with a great aunt. It started out perfectly innocent; we were just trying to share some information regarding family history. We also were trying to stay connected to a potentially lonely woman who may be the only surviving member of the family in her generation.

However, we forgot an important rule: when interacting with individuals over 80, do not trust that they will follow the same general rules of etiquette regarding “newer” technologies as you would expect others to do.

As the political season has heated up, we have been being BOMBARDED with email forwards from great-auntie. Generally, these are just subject to the junk folder without being opened, but on a few occasions I have succumbed to my curiosity and actually read what was in the emails, which apparently needed to be forwarded to EVERY person that she knows.

Admissions: I am a political person with strong views. I do not necessarily consider myself “neutral” in all matters. I can get worked up about things and have tirades of my own, hence the official family policy that I was not allowed to read the local newspaper for the 45 days that the Utah State Legislature was in session, for fear that in my outrage I may just sell our house and move out of state without bothering to leave a forwarding address for my husband. Fortunately, now we live in Virginia, alleviating some of that pressure.

That being said, however, I have found the content of these emails so amazingly outrageous and amusing, yet insightful, that I just had to share a few prized examples.

Several weeks ago we got a message which performed a great service in helping me to understand how un-American and bad for our country a certain candidate for President would be. This is because he made a statement (included in the email, so it must be true) about how we ought to change our national anthem. He “believes” that the imagery of bombs bursting in air is too aggressive and a better substitute and representation of appropriate American values would be the song “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.” Seriously!

I must say, I really do agree with the conclusion of this email. If said candidate had actually made this statement, he should not be President of the United States. It is not that he may turn out to be a closet pacifist who does not prefer to send American troops into battle, or even that he would devalue our nation’s sacred history by denigrating Key’s lyrics. No. It is simply that any politician stupid enough to actually make such a statement publicly while running for the Presidency would reveal such an immense lack of political savvy and intelligence that his/her ability to successfully lead the nation ought to be called into question.

Last week I received another message, among many, designed to set me on the right path. I was really grateful to have someone point out to me every act of violence perpetuated by a male Muslim over the past 30 years. In some ways, it was actually nice to see how limited the list was in relation to all the acts of brutality and violence during this timeframe; however, I think I was supposed to draw a different conclusion. In addition, the author of this piece, in compiling this list, made a resounding argument for why only male Muslims, like those who had perpetuated these acts, should be regularly targeted for security screenings and other investigations. Apparently, just like in Oklahoma City, this approach to identifying potential threats will lead to the most effective interventions.

Finally, this piece alerted me to the dangers (based on the Book of Revelations) of electing a male of Muslim descent between 30 and 50 years of age, particularly if he may be persuasive or charismatic. I was really grateful for this warning, as I may be in even greater danger than the rest of the American public. You see, I am married to a rather charismatic 30-something male of Muslim descent. Yes, he is a practicing Christian and patriotic American from all I have seen, but apparently, this doesn’t matter. In addition, my husband may be an even greater threat since his Muslim roots connect him to Pakistan, not Africa, and he was actually raised by his Muslim father.

As you can see, these are very serious threats to my family, and potentially to the nation, should my husband ever aspire to public office. In fact, given that he works for the federal government, I am wondering if I need to alert them to these damning realities. Nonetheless, I have not yet figured out how my children may be implicated by such realizations.

I will spare you an accounting of the other insights I have drawn from this new source of on-line correspondence. However, I have been interested to note that in the last week major political campaigns have decided to employ similar tactics to those of our great-aunt’s on-line friends. There is nothing like guilt by association, false allegations, and a wholesome, all-American helping of fear-mongering to ensure a quality election season.